Thursday, July 18, 2013


I haven't blogged in a while, but today seems fitting as life is going to change drastically in the next 24 hours.  We decided alongside our Doctor that Baby Utterback #2 should make his/her arrival by tomorrow if I don't go into labor on my own today.  I've had some visual issues in the last 3 weeks, yesterdays sent me to the hospital for observation, so for the sake of my health and baby's health we decided that an induction was best though not part of the original birth plan.  Josh and I both have peace and know the Lord's plan for the arrival of this baby is perfect so we are resting in that!!

Shortly after arriving home from the hospital yesterday I received a call from my supervisor at the adoption agency.  She let me know that the state licensing requirements for caseworkers had changed and that despite my years of experience I was now no longer qualified for my position due to not have a degree in a social services field.  My supervisor and the agency owner went to bat for me, and have offered me multiple other positions within the agency, but there is nothing they can do to make it possible for me to return in the same capacity.  I am bummed I will not longer be able to walk alongside these pregnant women as they create their adoption plans, but I know the Lord has a better plan.  I was telling Josh that I was grateful to receive the call last night as opposed to after the baby is born; there is something to be said about receiving bad news when rested as opposed to when you're sleep deprived.

In light of these new developments I am anxious to see how the next few weeks and months will play out.  Obviously the Lord knows I will need to focus exclusively on my husband and children.  I pray that he equips me for what he has planned.

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Oak Creek

Josh's MBA program has been keeping him very busy, so Esther and I decided to sneak away for a weekend so he could focus on his school work.  We headed to oak creek with my parents.  Esther loved spending time with her Nani and Bompa!

Monday, June 11, 2012

Who I am

The past 11 months have changed me!!  Being mom to Esther Wynn has brought me to my knees many times; I've cried tears of joy, frustration over selfishness and in gratitude to our maker for giving Josh and I such an undeserved gift!!  I am wife to Josh, Mom to Esther, Daughter to my parents, Sister to my siblings, Friend, Small group leader, Mentor and a child of God.  I was reminded yesterday that I often forget who I am to the Lord.  I forget that he knit me together and in His eyes I am perfectly and wonderfully made.  I forget God is the potter and I am His clay, being the Work of His hands.  Being His daughter is who I need to claim to be first and foremost.  I want Esther to know she is the Lord's, perfectly and wonderfully made!!!

Thursday, May 24, 2012

God's Provsion

I am in awe of the Lord today!!  I should be everyday, but today He has made himself known in a way that was so unexpected.  As many of you know my sister, Lindsay, returned home from serving in Africa due to an unknown illness.  The illness landed her in the hospital for two weeks; most of her time being spent in the ICU.  While she was in Africa her insurance became inactive, so she was left with medical bills around $90k.  My mom and Lindsay have been working with a charity organization hoping to get some assistance with the bills. They found out today that the organization approved covering ALL of her medical bills!!!  PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, April 15, 2012


Friendships are challenging and oh so rewarding!  With each new season of life friendships are constantly changing.  When entering a marriage it seems as though couples shift to spending time with other couples, often leaving single friends by the wayside.  The same happens when you embark upon parenthood; you choose to surround yourself with other parents, people who can commiserate with you over the sleepless nights, loads of laundry and subpar meals for your family.  In entering parenthood I thought being with other mom friends would be simple; we would have play groups and talk over a cup of coffee while our children played.  It doesn't seem to have worked out that way.  When I was in college my mom said something to me that has really stuck with me.  At the time I had a friendship that was really challenging, suck you of all your energy challenging.  I remember being emotionally spent and not knowing what to do.  In talking with my mom about the situation, she told me "You need to CHOOSE what kind of friend you are going to be and stick with it regardless of what you get in return.  You never know when the tables will turn and you will need that friend."  Right now I am wrestling with my mom's words.  I have a friendship that means the world to me, one in which desiring to invest time is easy, but I have found the reality of what I am able to give is a disappointment to what my heart desires to give.  Life has gotten in the way of me being able to be the friend that I CHOSE to be.  Play dates and coffee haven't fit into all that life demands.  I have hurt my friend because I have failed to be the friend she is needing.  It hurts because my heart is there; it wants to pour into her, but family, work, being a wife and all the other commitments of life aren't permitting me to.  It hurts to come to the realization that desires and expectations aren't aligning with reality.  It hurts because she is hurt and I am to blame.

Friday, April 13, 2012


This week has been way to serious and difficult, so Esther and I put on some mustaches to lighten the mood.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

9 Months

Seriously, where have the last 9 months gone.  I really can't believe Esther is 9 months already.  She is such a ham and a joy!  She loves crawling around and getting into anything that is within her reach.  Her second tooth finally cut through; I am SO glad I don't remember teething.  She has been so uncomfortable the past couple of weeks but seems to have taken a turn for the better since the tooth made its appearance.  She is pulling herself up and cruising around the furniture.  Still no words but she does like to repeat the same sounds over and over again.  I just love hearing her little voice.  Here are a few photos of the past couple months.